Source: Mathias Klang
The topic of friendship has been on my mind a lot the past few years. One of the worst parts about getting older is that more and more things change as years go by. You find yourself thinking about someone who you were close to and realize it’s been 5 years since…
The Worst Thing Someone Can Do in a Relationship is…
I asked my readers to provide answers to this. Super duper uber thanks to those who took the time to write out their stories. Turns out, the majority of responses had a particular theme. Without further adieu, the winner is…
……..LYING/DECEIVING.
I found this interesting because that was exactly what my response would be. All the times I can think of when I’ve been really hurt in a relationship were because I felt deceived. This includes the time when I was led on for months by someone I wasn’t even dating. There are so many ways people can lie, the possibilities for hurt are endless.
Here are some stories I received about ways people were deceived:
- Cutting off communication, being in the dark of what’s happening in their own relationship.
- Avoiding someone instead of breaking up.
- Being cheated on.
- Lying to someone’s face about their actions.
- Having a baby with another woman.
- Being shady with another woman behind her back.
- Having a secret life.
These are horrible, guys! 2 different people wrote me stories about their exes having a secret life. Why do we do these things to each other?
By far the worst story I received (though “worst” is subjective) comes from one of my Twitter followers @kaaaaacie who’s sweet and awesome and she actually tweets me so yay. Anyway, her story was one of the “secret life” stories where her ex-boyfriend actually knocked some other girl up, and she didn’t find out about it til later. In her story, she talked about the emotional abuse she suffered for years because she loved this guy. I wanted to share with you some of her words because she wrote them down so beautifully.
“I couldn’t let it go. I ‘loved’ him. I loved him through emotional abuse. I loved him through coming home to visit for five days and spending less than five hours with me. I loved him through most of my twenties. There went my personal ‘easy’ years for a pathetic, long distance phone relationship.
Not to get all movie-of-the-week but he made me question everything about myself and systematically dismantled my self-esteem. One of the things I REALLY prided myself on. I was totally blind to it, obviously.” - Kacie
What’s the lesson here? We should all just be freakin honest with each other. Lying to someone in a relationship not only hurts, it’s up there in the “worst thing that could ever happen” category. Lying and deceiving someone goes up there with having your self-esteem ruined, with physical/mental/emotional abuse, with being cheated on (which is another version of lying). Have the balls to be honest. If you want to break up, do it. If you feel like you want to cheat, break up before you cheat. If you want to date multiple people, don’t commit to any of them. Live your life with integrity.
Maybe if we were all more honest with ourselves and each other, things like this wouldn’t happen so often. Honesty is hard to achieve, but it’s worth trying. Being honest means you’re not a fuckface douche rocket. And maybe you won’t go to hell for devastating another human being, if you believe in such things. So there you go. Something to strive for.
Prepare for bug nightmares. This unusually big giant weta is the largest insect ever recorded — it’s the size of a rabbit!
OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN WHY.
LOL yeah my Cancer ex picked the perfect time to tell me he cheated on me and knocked the girl up. When he got the summons for the paternity test FIVE YEARS LATER.
I pity anyone so insecure in their relationship that they can’t handle having someone around who dated their fiance SIXTEEN YEARS AGO around on the day said fiance becomes a husband.
Lady, I was there once, and I married someone else, and am still happily married. That should pretty much tell…
The guy I dated when I lived down south — we broke up because I moved back up here, not for lack of caring about each other — started dating another girl a few months after I moved back. They were friends first, I met her a few times when we were still dating etc etc etc. She knew we didn’t break up because of anything SRS and still cared about each other and were GOOD friends. When they got married they invited me and I could not justify the trip so RSVP’d with regrets and she called me to make sure it wasn’t a weird thing and was I SURE I couldn’t come?! She is half the reason my friendship with the boy is still alive, because she reminds him to call me on my birthday and then gets on the phone blah blah. I do not understand why other women can’t be like this. IDGAF who any of my exes are with! I’ve moved on, you’ve moved on, it’s fine! Stupid girl. She’ll realize her mistake one day.
The More Loving One by WH Auden
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
