I asked my readers to provide answers to this. Super duper uber thanks to those who took the time to write out their stories. Turns out, the majority of responses had a particular theme. Without further adieu, the winner is…
I found this interesting because that was exactly what my response would be. All the times I can think of when I’ve been really hurt in a relationship were because I felt deceived. This includes the time when I was led on for months by someone I wasn’t even dating. There are so many ways people can lie, the possibilities for hurt are endless.
Here are some stories I received about ways people were deceived:
- Cutting off communication, being in the dark of what’s happening in their own relationship.
- Avoiding someone instead of breaking up.
- Being cheated on.
- Lying to someone’s face about their actions.
- Having a baby with another woman.
- Being shady with another woman behind her back.
- Having a secret life.
These are horrible, guys! 2 different people wrote me stories about their exes having a secret life. Why do we do these things to each other?
By far the worst story I received (though “worst” is subjective) comes from one of my Twitter followers @kaaaaacie who’s sweet and awesome and she actually tweets me so yay. Anyway, her story was one of the “secret life” stories where her ex-boyfriend actually knocked some other girl up, and she didn’t find out about it til later. In her story, she talked about the emotional abuse she suffered for years because she loved this guy. I wanted to share with you some of her words because she wrote them down so beautifully.
“I couldn’t let it go. I ‘loved’ him. I loved him through emotional abuse. I loved him through coming home to visit for five days and spending less than five hours with me. I loved him through most of my twenties. There went my personal ‘easy’ years for a pathetic, long distance phone relationship.
Not to get all movie-of-the-week but he made me question everything about myself and systematically dismantled my self-esteem. One of the things I REALLY prided myself on. I was totally blind to it, obviously.” - Kacie
What’s the lesson here? We should all just be freakin honest with each other. Lying to someone in a relationship not only hurts, it’s up there in the “worst thing that could ever happen” category. Lying and deceiving someone goes up there with having your self-esteem ruined, with physical/mental/emotional abuse, with being cheated on (which is another version of lying). Have the balls to be honest. If you want to break up, do it. If you feel like you want to cheat, break up before you cheat. If you want to date multiple people, don’t commit to any of them. Live your life with integrity.
Maybe if we were all more honest with ourselves and each other, things like this wouldn’t happen so often. Honesty is hard to achieve, but it’s worth trying. Being honest means you’re not a fuckface douche rocket. And maybe you won’t go to hell for devastating another human being, if you believe in such things. So there you go. Something to strive for.